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Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Review: Four Christmases

Perhaps it's because my expectations were low, or maybe it's because I saw Transporter 3 not but an hour earlier. Whatever the case may be, Four Christmases wasn't nearly as bad as I expected it to be. Don't get me wrong, it's pretty stupid but it's isn't without it's funny moments. At the very least, it was far more humourous than the similarly toned Christmas With the Kranks, and it was much more entertaining than last year's lame Vince Vaughn holiday vehicle Fred Claus.

In Four Christmas, Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon are Brad and Kate, a happy couple who opt to go to Fiji for the holidays instead of spending time with their respective families. Upon arriving at the airport the duo are dismayed to discover all flights have been cancelled due to foggy weather. Making matters worse, Brad and Kate are blind sided by a news crew who happen to be hanging out at the airport getting reactions from disgruntled travelers. And you'll never guess who ends up seeing Brad and Kate on the news. Now, instead of being in a tropical paradise, Brad and Kate are forced to spend time with each of their divorced parents over the course of one hellacious day.

Four Christmases has "lousy sitcom" written all over it. It's generic and it's lowbrow, but surprisingly, the film does offer up some pretty big laughs. Of the four Christmases our fearless couple are forced to endure, it is the first that offers up the funniest bits. Robert Duvall is hilarious as Brad's father while Jon Faverau and Tim McGraw are an absolute riot as Brad's cage fighting brothers.

There are portions of Four Christmases that are pointlessly mean. Take for instance the segment featuring Kate's mother and sister (played, respectively, by Mary Steenburgen and Kristin Chenoweth). These are fine actresses, but their characters are positively shrill, and when we first meet them in the film, it becomes painfully clear why Kate wouldn't want to spend anytime with them. But then, I suppose that's the whole point.

As the film makes it's way towards a completely obvious turning point in Kate and Brad's relationship, the jokes come fast and furious. Some work while several others don't, and the final Christmas scenario is a head scratcher. The fourth Christmas features a couple of characters we've already met earlier in the movie, only their personality traits have been greatly altered. They are, quite suddenly, super sweet. Yes, this movie goes from cold and mean, to warm and fuzzy in about ten seconds, and it's pretty tough to swallow.

Vaughn and Witherspoon are pretty good as a team which is quite odd given their height differences and their polar opposite acting styles. In the end, they have chemistry, their comic timing is good, and for what it's worth, they're not nearly as unlikable as the trailer makes them look. They're not terribly bright, mind you, but at least you don't want to jump into the screen and punch them in the face. Perhaps that's because everyone else around them comes across as such an asshole.

It's strange to consider that this is the narrative feature debut of Seth Gordon, a director who just last year fashioned the delightful documentary King of Kong. Truth is definitely stranger (and in this case of King of Kong, funnier) than fiction.

Four Christmases is pretty mediocre and just when it looks like it might rebound in the final moments, the film goes in for one last, lame gag involving another news crew. Those damn news crews always show up at the most inopportune times. It's a shame too because the scene that directly precedes it–a sincere, funny, and surprisingly mature conversation between Brad and Kate-- actually works. It's not likely that Four Christmases will show up on anyone's "Favorite Christmas Movies" list, but it does offer up a handful of good laughs, and that's certainly better than nothing.

Review: Gran Torino

Inside the first half hour of Clint Eastwood's latest movie, I was convinced that Gran Torino was, perhaps, an unofficial entry in the Dirty Harry series. Could it be that Eastwood was pulling a Rocky Balboa and showing us where Harry Callahan might be some twenty years following The Dead Pool? As it turns out, this isn't really the continuing adventures of the iconic super cop, but Eastwood's intense growl, kick ass attitude, and tough guy persona might have you thinking otherwise.

In Gran Torino, Eastwood plays Walt Kowalski, a grizzled, bitter old man who must endure the recent passing of his loving wife. When an Asian family moves in next door, this crotchety old timer is unable to keep a lid on his somewhat racist attitude. You see, Walt served in Korea and his acceptance is rather limited when it comes to the Asian persuasion. In fact, Walt doesn't have much tolerance for any of the folks who live in his neighborhood. What Walt really loves, is to place his vintage Gran Torino at the foot of the driveway and watch onlookers admire his cherry ride as he sits on his porch drinking beer.

One night, Walt does the unthinkable. He breaks up an altercation between a group of street thugs and his new neighbors. Actually, he only really gets involved because the altercation ends up passing over on to his property. This prompts a disgruntled Walt to utter one of the most hilarious lines of the year. Shortly thereafter, Walt forms a most unlikely bond with the family, and soon, this seemingly cold hearted man finds himself engaging in an even more surprising friendship.

Gran Torino certainly offers a mixed bag of shifting tones. Eastwood the director seems to be going for humor early on, and much of it is successful because Eastwood the actor appears to be having such a good time. He winces and snarls suggesting that perhaps this really is what Harry Callahan might have been like in his later years. As for his blatant racial slurs? Well, he's more Archie Bunker than anything else. There's a kind of softness at this misunderstood guy's center and it's clear that his hard exterior is just a front. No matter what awful things are coming out of Walt's mouth, it's near impossible to have contempt for this guy. That's simply a testament to Eastwood's iconic status as a performer. I don't know that any other actor could have pulled this stuff off.

Where Gran Torino really falters is in it's tired thug life sub plot. It's all incredibly generic and I really didn't buy any of it. The gangsters in Gran Torino are laughable stereotypes and we've seen far more effective versions of them in much better movies.

Furthermore, save for Eastwood, Gran Torino isn't particularly well acted. There are a couple of noteworthy supporting turns – John Carroll Lynch is amusing as Walt's tough talking barber – but the majority of the cast members – including newcomers Bee Vang and Ahney Her – are unable to bring any sort of emotional depth to the table. Christopher Carley's performance as a priest is positively wooden, and Doua Moua's turn as street thug Spider is dull, one note, and completely un-convincing as a menace to society.

Gran Torino marks Eastwood's second effort as a director in the last four months, and oddly enough, whereas The Changeling suffered from a relatively unaffecting turn from it's lead player, this movie's saving grace is it's lead player. It is Eastwood's weathered presence, charisma, and star appeal that really give Gran Torino a much needed kick. As an actor, Eastwood still has it. As a director, he's gotta get it back. This is a far cry from the masterworks he's truly capable of (i.e. Unforgiven, Mystic River, Letters From Iwo Jima, Million Dollar Baby, etc.), but then a lot of the misgivings I have with this heavy handed movie fall into the lap of screenwriter Nick Schenk. Whatever the case may be, Eastwood's Walt is a funny old fart, and Gran Torino is worth watching to see this iconic veteran do his thing.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Kim Kardashian looks like shit

This is a makeup NO-NO!

Alrighty, Kim Kardashian is known for her ass but once in a while ( when we look at her face) we can only stare into those beautiful smokey eyes.However, what the eff is this bat shit on her eyes????!!!!

It looks like someone just took a black sharpie and traced it across her eyelids. You can’t even define the eye-shadow, it’s just black shit everywhere. She almost reminds me of one of those wax dolls. Her sister looks more human than her. Looking at this picture makes ME want to take off my makeup.

Damn Kim, get your act together.

Jennifer Lopez is a selfish bitch

Someone ought to tell Jennifer Lopez that it would be wise to shut her mouth before too much shit pours out of there.

She made an appereance on Good Morning America August 18 to discuss her preparations for the Malibu Triathlon. She had been overheard by sources saying that she “couldn’t understand why everyone is talking about the swimmer”. She even forgot Michael Phelp’s name.

To top it off she yapped about how the bigger story should be how she’s been training for a triathlon just six months after giving birth. Bitch please!!! Nobody cares about your damn trialthlon, child or marriage. Michael Phelps is the shit, and you’re just old news.

God, Jennifer Lopez is such a skank! I just want to throw shit at her!

Tila Tequila’s GF Arrested

God, when we thought this bitch was out of the spotlight, she came crawling back in.

Tila Tequila’s girlfriend- Courtenay Semel has been arrested for slapping some hoe outsitde of a nightclub in Vegas. Oh goody gum-drops, does this mean we’re going to hear that Tila is crying and shit? If so, hopefully that will be taped, posted on youtube…so on and so forth.

That bitch looks so ugly when she cries.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

I saw The Hills last night

And I wasted 30 minutes of my life.

The Hills is an absolute failuire. Seriously, the drama is the same. I feel like I watched 30 minutes of staring and glaring. Asbolutely no interesting dialogue and no interesting people. No shit Audrina and Lo don’t like one another. I knew that since the commercials started airing.

This show needs some violence.

Damn I’m Old: Celebrity Birthdays

These celebrities were born on August 19:

Bill Clinton is 62.
John Stamos is 45.
Fat Joe is 38.
Kevin Dillon is 43.
Stephen Carr is 32.
Erika Christensen is 26.
Romeo is 19.
Nate Dogg is 39.

Michael Phelps on Sports Illustrated


This absolutely delicious 23-year-old, Olympic champion Michael Phelps is going to be on the cover of Sports Illustrated tommorow. THANK YOU JESUS! I am so excited to read his interview, see more pictures. However, I am not very pleased by the cover. Why did they have to cover his yummy abs? Why did they have to take away that sexy part of him?

I mean, I love the gold medals and all but I need to see more skin!!!

Lindsay may NOT be with SAM anymore

Lindsay Lohan
might not be munching on carpet anymore. Sources have revealed to Ok! Magazine:

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson may be inseparable, but following weeks of arguments, friends tell OK! they fear that Linds will leave her DJ girlfriend - for a man. Apparently LiLo has already been flirting with guys, and cracks are seem to be appearing in the relationship. On August 5 at the Delano Hotel’s Florida Room, Lindsay, 22, cozied up to other men whenever Sam left her side. “Lindsay was laughing and giggling with these guys,” an eyewitness tells OK!. And earlier that day, guests at the Miami hotel witnessed the couple’s repeated clashes. “Lindsay is the aggressive one in the relationship,” an insider tells OK!. “Sam tries to focus on Lindsay, but it’s never enough.” Another friend adds, “Lindsay has to be the center of attention, or she’ll flirt with other guys to make Sam jealous.”

Interesting. This story might be bull shit. Then again, hopefully it’s not. Seeing Lindsay as a lesbian is just so effing weird.

Miley Cyrus is Disney’s Slut

Usually I find that Perez Hilton is a bit nuts.

But I give him kudos for making fun of Miley Cyrus on his website. So here’s a clip of what Miley said to him at the movies. Perez was able to give her a compliment but Miley was more of a bitch. Watch the clip. And yes, I do agree- Miley Cyrus is Disney’s slut.

Posted in Miley Cyrus | 1 Comment

Congratulations Ellen and Portia!

Ellen Degeneres and Portia de Rossi got married on Saturday at their home in Los Angeles.

They both looked flawless. Then again any blurry picture will make anyone look flawless! We can only wish them the best.

Congratulations to Michael Phelps!!!

Michael Phelps.

An outstanding athlete who has accomplished all of this goals in the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing. Eight for eight. Yes, the lucky number eight has been with him the whole time.

Here’s what he’s accomplished at the Olympics:

1. 400m-Individual Medley-1st- World Record
2. 400 x 100m- Freestyle Relay- 1st-World Record
3. 200m -Freestyle- 1st- World Record
4. 200m- Butterfly - 1st - World Record
5. 4 x 200 m- Freestyle Relay- 1st- World Record.
6. 200m- Individual Medley- 1sr- World Record.
7. 100m- BUtterfly- 1sr- Olympic Record.
8. 4 x 100m- Medley Relay- 1st- World Record.

A fasicnating week for him, to have won all these races and to be so humble. When interviewed with his teamates for the last relay, he said that it was all about teamwork, all bout togetherness. What an awe inspiring statement. Once again, congrats Michael, you made us all proud



Oh my goodness. This story is going to make your bones break. Well, Hungarian strongman Janor Baranyai made it to his first Olympics, but I highly doubt he’s going to treasure it much. As he was weightlifting, he disclocated his right elbow. View THIS to see more pictures.

Thankfully the paramedics went straight to him in a heart beat.

Thankyou Associated Press.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Michael Phelps breaks records!

For those of you who were to drunk or busy or have been living under a cave…
Here’s an update Michael Phelps in the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing. Before we begin, let’s examine that exquisite body. Look at the way he’s able to move like a beast in the water…can he move like that in bed? I would love to know and so would other Phelp fans.
He’s got three finals, three gold medals, three world records. In the 200-meter freestyle on Tuesday at the Water Cube, Phelps killed the field and even his year-old world record.
His time: 1:43. Holy shit. Second place, Park Tae-hwan of South Korea had 1:44. Damn it must have sucked to have lost by a second. Third place was Peter Vanderkaay who came in at 1:45. Michael Phelps now has a total of three golds and seven medals over-all.
Three down. Five more to kill,Phelps. Can he do it?

Damn I’m Old: Celebrity Birthdays

These celebrities were born on August 12:
Miss Cleo is 46.
Sir Mix-A-Lot is 45.
Peter Krause is 43.
Casey Affleck is 33.
Michael Ian Black is 37.
George Hamilton is 69.

Very Sad Weekend

There were tremendous amounts of loses the past few days.
The actor and comedian Bernie Mac passed away on Saturday in Chicago due to complications from pneumonia. He was 50 years old. Isaac Hayes, 65 and an innovatic singer passed away yesterday after being found unconscious near a treadmill in is home.
In Beijing, two Americans were stabbed by a Chinese man and then te Chinese man jumped from the building. This was not a pre-meditated attack.
The news only keeps getting worse. Early Sunday, thousands of residents were forced to evacuate a north Toronto neighborhood due to a massive explosion and fire at a propane distribution facility. How big was the impact? Watch HERE as KevJumaba, a famous youtuber witness this terrible disaster. There isn’t a certain number of deaths or injuries, but I’ll keep you posted

My little Gossip Girl

It’s the one where Blake Lively from Gossip Girl and America Ferrera from Ugly Betty are interviewed for The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pantalones 2.
So America and Blake are sitting there talking about the movie when all of a sudden Blake is asked about Gossip Girl and continues to talk about it as America is just showing a disgusted face. I swear America was about to punch Blake in the face.
It’s def. an LOL moment. There I was, hating on Blake Lively for being an inconsiderate bitch. At that moment I hated Gossip Girl. I wanted to talk shit about it. But I’ve never seen any of the episodes…that created a problem. So last night, I embarked on a Gossip Girl quest to find out why this show is so hot. Hours and hours of footage streamed across my computer screen. When it was all done I thought:
What the f*** am I thinking watching this bullshit? Like oh my God. That was awful. Is that seriously the shit kids watch these days? I thought The Hills was bad…this was just disgusting. All the characters whore up in one way or another.
Everyone is faker than Pam Anderson’s tits. How can people love this show or empathize with these characters? They’re just representations of jealousy, greed, and revenge. Why would anyone want to be associated with these disgusting little bitches?
Shit I tell you, just shit

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Damn I’m Old: Celebrity Birthdays

These celebrities were born on August 10:
Whitney Houston is 45.
Divine Brown is 39.
Sam Williot is 64.
Juanes is 36.
McG 40.
Rhona Mitra is 32

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Nick and Selena: Puppy Love

Nick and Selena: Puppy Love

Nick Jonas and Selena Gomez are so silly.
They should just come out with their relationship. Everyone’s rooting for them, except skanky ass Miley Cyrus. She’s probably going to write a song or post a youtube video of how much she hates life or something. What a effing weirdo. Well here’s the evidence of the relationship between Selena and Nick:
Selena Gomez on Twist magazine:
“I had dinner on the beach with a crush and there were lights on the palm trees! Then, went walking on the beach, and after that we slow danced. Wait, it gets better. While we were slow dancing…my crush and I had our first kiss! And after it, I leaned back and I said, ‘You cheated.’ And he said, ‘Why’ and I said, ‘I don’t kiss on the first date.’ Then he said, ‘Well, I never really play by the rules.’ I was waiting for a a director to say, ‘Cut’ I was like, ‘Are we shooting this right now?”
Nick told Girl’s Life magazine:
“On one date, the girl said to me, ‘I don’t kiss on the first date.’ So I said, ‘I don’t follow the rules.’” The brothers high-five to that one. “Ooooh! It was so good!”
Aw. Well, they probably didn’t realize they’d use the same story. Good luck to the both of them! And DOWN WITH MILEY CYRUS!

Friday, August 8, 2008

Journalism goes to India

Thank you high unemployment rates.
Things in the United States aren’t so hot. The economy has gone down preventing many people from attaining jobs. The housing market has been blasted by laser beams. Foreclosure and bankrupcy are common terms used these days. An area that is been wounded deep are the newspaper newsrooms. According to the American Society of Newspaper Editors approx. 2,400 journalists have left their jobs.
Ex: The New York Times Co. is down by 45%. So if the economy continues plunging downward Charles Layton predicts that ” we may begin seeing, pretty soon, big American cities with no daily newspaper”. Shit. Wait- there is hope for these journalists though.
India. What? Wait-huh? Yes. India.
Newspapers, new dailies and magazines are just sprouting on a monthly basis. Raju Narisetti is the editor of Mint, a publication that caters to economic elites or aspiring elites. He was the former editor of the Wall Street Journal Europe. He wants to help those journalist’s who seem to have lost hope in finiding a job.
“India is a fascinating country where history is being made in many respects so it is a fertile place for good journalism. Hopefully some of the non-Indian journalists will have a better understanding of India when they do go back.”
I’m shipping out to India

The 2008 Summer Olympics Begins!!!

One World One Dream.
The 2008 Summer Olympics have started with a lavish opening ceremony in Beijing. It brings goosebumps to view such a remarkable moment in history. There are 80 world leaders situated in Beijing and approx. 500,000 guests. Another thing that makes this day so memorable is the Chinese counting on the lucky number 8.
Eight is an extremely lucky number in China. It’s pronounced as bah and it links to prosperity. The Olympic Games began at 8:08:08 p.m. on 8/8/08. That brings shivers down my spine. It’s incredible how fortunate Beijing was to schedule the Olympics on this day at that time. Some have lost faith in the number 8 because 88 days before the Games began there was an earthquake killing nearly 70,000

Jenna Jameson and Tito Ortiz are expecting

Congratulations to Jenna Jameson and Tito Ortiz who are expecting their first child.
Jenna has attempted to get pregnant during her previous marriage however she suffered a miscarriage. I wonder how their baby will look. Tito looks like a Koala Bear and Jenna..well she’s one of the hottest women out there.
Hopefully things will run smoothly during this pregnancy and we can only wish her and her hubby the best

Paris Hilton running for Presidency

I can’t believe I’m about to say this…Paris Hilton………..*drumroll* rocks.
That being said, find out why by clicking HERE to view her rebuttal to McCain’s ad. Remember? The one with Obama being identified as Britney and Paris. I thought it was classic when she pointed out the energy proposal that she would be willing to undertake while in the White House

Miley’s still stuck on Nick’s…personality

Miley’s still stuck on Nick’s…personalityAugust 8th, 2008 by Celebrity Gossip Blog

Wtf kind of cover is that?
Miley Cyrus blabbed to Seventeen Magazine about her relationship with Nick Jonas. Okay kiddo- we know you screwed him, we know he left you and yet we STILL have no sympathy for you. So why try?
“We became boyfriend and girlfriend the day we met. He was on a quest to meet me, and he was like, ‘I think you’re beautiful and I really like you.’ And I was like, ‘Oh, my gosh, I like you so much.’”
I doubt that’s how it happened. What type of bullshit is that? Nick Jonas probably didn’t try to search for you like you were treasure. He probably felt sorry for your chipmunk self. I bet Miley’s Dad paid Nick to date her.
“Nick and I loved each other. We still do, but we were in love with each other. For two years he was basically my 24/7. But it was really hard to keep it from people. We were arguing a lot, and it really wasn’t fun.”
Nick didn’t love you. You were just a stepping stone for the Jonas Brother’s to reach to fame. Weren’t you 13? What the f*** do you know about love?
On breaking up-
“At first I bawled for a month straight. I was so sad. I just went into this weird funk. And I dyed my hair black. When we were dating, Nick wanted me to get highlights – and so I did that, and I got myself looking great. And then, on the day we broke up, I was like, I want to make my hair black now – I don’t want to look pretty; I want to look hard-core. I was rebelling against everything Nick wanted me to be. And then I was like, I’ve got to be by myself for now, and just figure out who I really am.”
You dyed your hair black because you wanted to be like Selena ,you whore. And then you realized- you looked like a walking corpse. So here’s some advice from me to Miley. Get over yourself and stop thinking about Nick. He’s def. not thinking about your ass at the end of the day.
He’s tappin’ Selena’s!
By the way Seventeen Magazine, it seems like these days you’re putting whores on the cover. I thought your magazine was there to help young girls make good decisions. Miley Cyrus has made numerous choices that have left her fans unhappy. Next time, it would be wise to pick out a girl who could be looked up to rather than frowned upon

Official: The Hills is Fake

I was always under the impression that The Hills was a bunch of bull shit.
Audrina Patridge’s official website only confirms the obvious. Check this out from her website:
Living a stone’s throw away from the MTV production of “The Hills”, Audrina was spotted sunbathing by the pool and asked by a producer if she would like to join the cast. She happily accepted her role as the dear friend of Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag in what was sure to be the beginning of her enticing career.
Ahh, I love the truth. I wonder if Lauren is crying or some shit. That girl must be crying, since she follows the script like it’s her effing life. I wish MTV was a little more honest with their shows.
I think that The Hills needs more violence though. That would shoot up the ratings. Maybe Heidi and Lauren will have a fighting scene after they shoot angry glances at each other.

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